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The OFFICIAL Hilarious Craigslist / eBay Ad Thread

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Old 01-09-2009, 01:55 AM   #41
Waffles
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I don't know how often you guys browse the "Best of Craigslist" ****, but this is one of my favorites.

Manly Bike for Sale

Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick *** spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "**** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy **** so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad *** you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad *** in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the ***** since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some **** and not shaped like a *****. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your *** or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's ********* and tells people you don't **** around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
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Old 01-15-2009, 07:42 AM   #42
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This one is also one manly ad!

http://www.mydogscrap.com/ninjahauler.cfm
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FFR Daytona Coupe (sold, sniff)
1968 GT500KR (clone)
1966 GT350 (clone)
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Hey, my whole life is a fake!

Need some motivation to get that thing started? Try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRskJ...e=channel_page
or this:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ndvideo013.flv
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Old 01-18-2009, 04:26 PM   #43
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That is fantastic!!!
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RCR GT40 Mk1
FFR Daytona Coupe (sold, sniff)
1968 GT500KR (clone)
1966 GT350 (clone)
1967 Mustang convertible (unmolested so far)
Hey, my whole life is a fake!

Need some motivation to get that thing started? Try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRskJ...e=channel_page
or this:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ndvideo013.flv
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Old 01-23-2009, 12:51 PM   #44
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http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/1004264435.html

O....there was a car in this ad....I didn't notice the first time I looked through it, LOL!

No idea who the lady in the ad is but she can take a picture with the Mustang any time ;-)
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Old 01-23-2009, 01:20 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffles View Post
I don't know how often you guys browse the "Best of Craigslist" ****, but this is one of my favorites.

Manly Bike for Sale

Bike for sale


What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick *** spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "**** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy **** so I said no way.



The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad *** you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad *** in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the ***** since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some **** and not shaped like a *****. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your *** or anything.



I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:


Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's ********* and tells people you don't **** around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
Waffles - That is frigging hilarious!!! LMAO!
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Old 01-23-2009, 02:54 PM   #46
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OMG, I cried laughing at this one. Another from Best of Craigslist.

Busted peeing in the sink

Date: 2008-12-09, 9:09AM CST


When it comes to peeing, its great to be a male. Ladies (and fellows with a micro-*****) purse their lips at men’s blithe attitude toward convenience when it comes to answering nature’s call. We’re so crass, rude, disgusting. Right.

You’re just ****ing envious. And well you should be. It is indescribably wondrous portaging a permanently attached watering hose. Witness “Man, Peeing in Garden”, the epitome of casualness. Few, if any, locations are off-limits when the urge is felt: parking garage, deck, the sink...simply too many nouns to list. Still, while decorum is abused, discretion is not--more on this point in a moment.

Oh sure, many a woman has pee’d outside of the pot, though strictly as a matter of urgency and with much reluctance and with great angst. There is no female example of ‘whipping it out.’ In fact, yours is a complete show. You fret about the location, the preparation, the sundries, minimizing dribble…christ almighty… it’s a fifteen minute ordeal. Men can sort of relate to your dilemma, like when we need to poop and there’s no bathroom in sight.

Anyway, I pee in the sink. I’ve been peeing into bathroom sinks for years. Convenience is my primary reason. But there are many very good reasons to pee in a sink. A few among them…

I can multitask, which is important to me: both my hands are free to brush teeth, comb hair, apply hygiene products, etc. I’ve never done and empirical study, but I am certain in my gut that cumulative hours are saved annually by peeing in the sink.

It’s environmentally conscientious. I conserve water when I pee in the sink. As I wash my hands or rinse my toothbrush, my pee is carried through the p-trap down into the sanitary line. Toilet, sink—as George Castanza explained, “It's all pipes!”

It’s the ‘green’ thing to do. By peeing on dried toothpaste, solidified lungers, loose hair, and other lingering yuckiness stuck inside the sink, I save still more water and reduce phosphates and other nasty chemicals that might otherwise have been used to clean the sink.

It’s considerate. Regardless whether my girlie is sleeping, watching television, reading in silence, I do not disturb her with a cacophonous serenade of “man-peeing-into-toilet-then-flushing”. Peeing into a sink is very quiet.

It’s clean. There is no toilet water splash nor urine splatter on walls, seat or in the crannies of the commode. Here I bandy the duel argument of ‘less work’ (by not scrubbing said surfaces after each use) and, consequently, ‘more green’ (requires less use of environmentally harmful cleaning chemicals). Pee is, for the most part, sterile when it hits the sink, so no need to use expensive disinfectant. Thus I submit another good, albeit tenuous, reason I pee in the sink: it saves money.

It builds “relationship equity”. The seat is always down, which appears to my girlie as sublimely considerate and one those ‘little things’ I do for her. This manifests, somehow, in better sex.

It’s hygienic. After my stream has diminished to a trickle, I splash a handful or two of water on my dick, thus washing it. I have a clean dick and I put my dick up against the dick of any ‘traditional’ toilet user for some quantitative dick evaluation; eg.: stiff test, taste test. Rub my dick against glass and it squeaks.

I can think of violently few disadvantages to peeing in a sink. Off the top of my head:
- peeing into a sink after eating asparagus is very unpleasant;
- fishing a contact lens out of the sink while ‘multitasking’ is disturbing; and,
- reflexive tumescence may result from the splash of overly cold or hot water, which can have messy consequences.

I confess that a lifetime of casually whipping it out and lettin’ go when and wherever has caused my ‘Emergency Pee Shut Off’ muscle—assuming it ever existed—to atrophy. Richard Pryor was correct that a man cannot cut off his stream ‘just like that’.

I am aware that this technique d'avant garde might offend the eyeballs of an accidental witness, so I always exercise discretion when I pee in the sink. That said, peeing in the sink is so routine for me that I am complacent, and I never thought up a contingency plan should someone walk in on me.

Just this morning my girlie busted me peeing in the sink, rather (as I now understand), ‘her’ sink. She ****ing had a cow and slapped my dick…hard …like it was a big hairy ****ing spider on the countertop.

Thus I know from experience that getting caught peeing in the sink does not garner even the tiniest, wee little bit of appreciation of or for any of those benefits I mentioned above. Therefore, heed this exhortation: make damn site sure no one will walk in as you pee in the sink.

So there I am this morning, brushing my teeth in front of the mirror and quietly contemplating my day while a night’s worth of pee drained out of my unlimbered dick laying in the sink. My girlie sneaked up behind me topless as a playful, sexy morning surprise, and so intended, she was oblivious to my present commitment. She might as well have tossed a glass of ice water on my back ‘cause with the sudden and unexpected feeling of her hands around my midriff, I reflexively jerked up and away from the sink. My flaccid dick tossed about mid-stream until I could completely close down the relief valve. I was untethered for no more than.. what.. two seconds, but it seemed like I pee’d on ****ing everything, including her jewelry box and her basket of stretchy hair things, both of which she was real unhappy about upon discovery. Miraculously, I missed her. She was incredulous. I sensed a radar-lock on my groin area and my hand moved instinctively to my protect my dick—but I was too slow. With the speed of a ****ing praying mantis, she lashed at my dick and nailed it good. I hollered “what the ****”, spewing frothy toothpaste on her, which only added to the indignity and intensified her fury. It was a ****ing show this morning in our, rather, her bathroom.

I didn’t learn any lessons this morning (except maybe to lock the bathroom door). I did learn that my girlie is irrational and uptight about this particular issue. Frankly, **** if I know what to do or what to say to her come this evening. I’m going to go to the restroom and take a good long look at myself in the mirror—mostly because I’ll be peeing in the sink, but also to steel my nerve and strategize for tonite.
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Old 02-01-2009, 11:13 AM   #47
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Even Batman has fallen on hard times during this recession.

http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/1013053297.html
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Old 02-01-2009, 12:58 PM   #48
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That thing looks ridiculous. 72K? No way.
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:14 PM   #49
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http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Cars-...3A1|240%3A1318


What were they thinking?!
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:37 PM   #50
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I thought pink was one of the original colors back in one of those years...I know I have seen pink ones before.

But I agree with you it really doesn't work on that car....I would be embarrassed as hell to drive the thing.
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:10 PM   #51
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It's for a Pepto Bistmol Commercial...

The batmobile is cool but not 72k cool.
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Old 02-08-2009, 12:19 PM   #52
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Do you think this might be a bit overpriced? Maybe it's signed by Shelby.

Battery cable
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Old 02-08-2009, 12:44 PM   #53
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Do you think this might be a bit overpriced? Maybe it's signed by Shelby.

Battery cable
Well, one thing I've notice since buying my 65 is that if you have a classic people think you're rich. I wonder how he would price an OEM fender if he wants $289 for a battery cable?
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Old 02-08-2009, 11:07 PM   #54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SJs 66coupe View Post
I thought pink was one of the original colors back in one of those years...I know I have seen pink ones before.

But I agree with you it really doesn't work on that car....I would be embarrassed as hell to drive the thing.
Yeah it's a rare 67-68 color, i think called Playboy pink... not a 64.5 color, i dont believe
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Old 02-14-2009, 01:27 AM   #55
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Here is one http://louisville.craigslist.org/cto/1022391359.html hes had it for sell for 2 months didn't even lower the price when it got hit lol.
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Old 02-17-2009, 11:21 AM   #56
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What a description.


http://cosprings.craigslist.org/cto/1029110616.html
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Old 02-17-2009, 06:50 PM   #57
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Quote:
perfer not to sell to some ricer *** who is going to crash it on academy
Nice.
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:27 PM   #58
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http://houston.craigslist.org/cto/1045741233.html

Poor Camaro...all pimped out and no place to go.

What a waste of a perfectly good classic.
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Old 02-23-2009, 03:19 PM   #59
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that interior looks like a freakin speedboat. gag.
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:14 PM   #60
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The purple exterior color I could learn to live with I guess. The interior seats I have to agree with Z. They look like they're out of a speedboat.
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Old 02-23-2009, 04:14 PM
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