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Dirty Jokes

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Old 10-12-2004, 07:02 PM   #1
StangMang
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Default Dirty Jokes

One morning on the news the weather man said "we're expecting 8 inches of snow tonight."
There was no snow.

The next morning the news lady asked the weather man..."what happened to the 8 inches you promised me last night?"
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2 neighbor kids, a little boy, Jonny, and a little girl, Jennie, and they were always picking on each other by saying, "My dad can beat up you dad," etc.

One day they are outside playing, and Jonny says, "Hey, Jennie, come here."

Jennie skips over and asks, "What do you want?"

Jonny replys, "I talked to my big brother yesterday and he said," as he pulled down his pant, "that I have one of these and you don't!"

Jennie was speechless and ran home crying.

The next day Jennie says, "Hey, Jonny, come here."

Jonny walks over laughing. "Yea?"

Jennie said, "I told my mom what you said to me yesterday, and she said," as she pulls down her pants, "that I have one of these and you dont! BUT... with one of these I can get as many of those as I want!"
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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done!
------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Theres this girl,she is five.She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend and she says,"you mother f*cking a**hole!"Just then jill, thats the little girl,interrupts them talking and blurts out, big sissy,what does a**hole mean? The girl surprised by the question,says BOYFRIEND!Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.


Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!THE dad says "Sh*t!" So the girl ask her dad "What does sh*t mean?" And he stammers "Shaving cream". So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey. Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says "F*ck!". So Jill ask "What does f*ck mean momma?" And scramblimg for an answer, her mom says "cutting."
All of the sudden, they hear the door. Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door. He ask "Sweetie, do you know where you everyone is at?" And she says, "Well, my sister's talking to her a**hole, my Moms f*cking the turkey and my Dads wiping the sh*t off his face."
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A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife & his finger went to tease his wife's p*ssy. Wife asks "you want sex?". "No, just to wet my finger to turn the page!"
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this guy got shipwrecked on an island, and the island only had men on it. so he goes up to the leader of the island, after 2 weeks and no sex, and says "hey, what do you do for fun around here?".

the leader of the island says "you see that barrel, stick your dick in it, and pump". so this shipwrecked guy walks up to the barrel, pulls out his meat, and starts pumping. after blowing his lot he comes back and says to the leader "when can i do that?", to which the leader replies "monday through friday, and saturday !".

the new guy says to the leader "what about sunday ?".

the leader replies "thats your day in the barrel !".
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Old 10-12-2004, 07:53 PM   #2
Dan04COBRA
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

Two white horses jumped in mud.
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:27 PM   #3
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

hahaha....lmao
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:38 PM   #4
Redline03GT
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

Hey b*tch nice legs. What time do they open?
_________________________________________

What did one *****'s knee cap say to the other?
Nice to meet you.
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Old 10-12-2004, 09:11 PM   #5
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

nice ones 'Stang. those were good. i had heard the first one, but, none of the others.

nice one Redline(kneecaps. haha)
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Old 10-13-2004, 02:29 AM   #6
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

Quote:
ORIGINAL: Dan02GT

Two white horses jumped in mud.
ROFLMMFAO!
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:04 AM   #7
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

hilarious i was just taking a trip back in time (before i joined up)
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Old 11-05-2004, 10:02 AM   #8
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

2 bananas are sitting on the river bank. Both deciding on if they should go in. The water looked pretty cold. Then, all of a sudden, a piece of **** comes floating down. The **** yells out 'come on in! the water's fine!" One banana turns to the other banana and says "you believe that ****?"

------------------

How do you know we have a gay president?

All the cigars in the white house taste like ****

-----------------

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?

snowballs

-----------------

What's the difference between toast and toilet paper?

Toast usually comes out brown on both sides
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Old 11-05-2004, 10:14 AM   #9
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

lol.. all very funny.
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Old 11-05-2004, 11:40 AM   #10
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

how to get a man to read the sexuaxl harrassment policy:
Click the image to open in full size.
lmao
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Old 11-05-2004, 11:47 AM   #11
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

is that last one in reference to someone in here
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Old 11-05-2004, 12:15 PM   #12
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

lol not at all i thought i
Quote:
if my girlfreind won't have sex with me i will find someone else, i know, i've seen me do it.
t was quite funny

(also i wanted to tell you I before E except after C)

if my girlfreind won't have sex with me i will find someone else, i know, i've seen me do it.


girlfriend... you see it ? lol
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Old 11-05-2004, 12:48 PM   #13
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

I heard this one the other day and just loved it. Women don't be offended please.

A wise man once told me that to have a perfect long term relationship you always have to do one evil thing at the begining. Well when you find that girl that you want and you feel like she is the one. You always have to hit her in the begining of the relationship. Once and only once do you have to hit her making sure it is a good one. Then 10 years down the road when a your woman says those eerie words that every man has heard at least once "YOU NEVER TREAT ME LIKE YOU USED TO". You can always snap back with "WHAT YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU". That will make her drop that subject immediatly and be content with what she has.
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Old 11-05-2004, 12:54 PM   #14
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Old 11-05-2004, 02:03 PM   #15
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

i have one- womans rights!




















lol, jk. got it from the man show, back when it was funny.
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:45 PM   #16
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her. He's naked as well! The *****!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a thousand dollars here....."
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:47 PM   #17
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost
the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and
the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get
to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab
waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He
promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his
credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address,
etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike
to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to
regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he
won big.

Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of
the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who
should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but
his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was
down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the
guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for
a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the
reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow-job on the way?"

"What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into
the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same
questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend
at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a
ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks."

The businessman said, "OK" and off they went. Then, as they
drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a
big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:51 PM   #18
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic602.htm

Here's a good one you will all like. You have to strip Britney. Make sure you have the sound up kinda loud. That way you can hear her talk to you.
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:52 PM   #19
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

hahaha too funny...keep em comin
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:53 PM   #20
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Default RE: Dirty Jokes

Quote:
ORIGINAL: 1990mustanggt

http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic602.htm

Here's a good one you will all like. You have to strip Britney. Make sure you have the sound up kinda loud. That way you can hear her talk to you.
haha funny stuff...
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Old 11-05-2004, 05:53 PM
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