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Old 03-17-2017, 06:53 AM   #1
Oxnard Montalvo
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Default Happy St. Patrick's Day.



An Irishman, an Englishman and a Frenchman walk into a bar and order three draft beers.
As luck would have it the three beers each have a fly in them.
The Frenchman pushes his glass away in disgust, the Englishman shrugs, removes the fly and starts drinking his brew, the Irishman grabs the freeloader by the wings, holds it over the glass and screams, "Spit it out!, spit it out!"

Last edited by Oxnard Montalvo; 03-17-2017 at 07:00 AM.
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Old 03-17-2017, 10:22 AM   #2
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An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"
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Old 03-17-2017, 09:24 PM   #3
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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Old 03-17-2017, 09:26 PM   #4
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin.
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Old 03-17-2017, 09:45 PM   #5
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Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one!
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