Probably the flux capacitor. You hit 1.21 gigawatts without knowing it. Have it towed to a dealership for a looksie. Probably locked the engine up from no oil circulating.

 

this is for real guys why do you think im joking

 

Because you had one post and honestly, you just seemed way to naive about your engines condition. You most likely have a hole in the side of your block from a rod letting go. is this a v6 or v8? Where are you from?

You're going to need a new engine, most likely. If the dipstick won't come out it's because the internal parts of your engine are scrambled and holding it in.

 

I went fishing today. My wife caught the bigger fish. Now there's some serious chit...