Southern Cops Have A Way With Words
02-21-2013, 08:36 AM
#1
1st Gear Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 94
Southern Cops Have A Way With Words
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos.
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” (National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” (National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
02-22-2013, 07:26 AM
#8
1st Gear Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 94
I was in a bunch of traffic a couple of years ago that was being held up by two slow trucks. The traffic was making me nervous and I knew I had enough horsepower to pick my way through and get clear. Downshift, WOT, move to the center lane, pass one, move to the right lane, pass another, then move back to center to pass a slower car. On the off ramp deputy pulls me over "License and registration" I complied, then the guy looks at the back of my license and says "You need to slow down, we don't need anymore organ donors"
Snappy answer that I kept to myself: "The folks on the waiting list for transplants are going to be thrilled to hear that bit of news"
I got away with a warning by stifling my sense of humor.
02-22-2013, 10:11 AM
#9
5th Gear Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 2,217
Getting away with a warning when getting pulled in a Mustang is the equivalent of winning a lottery.
When I got pulled the guy gave me the ticket and then started telling me what I needed to do to get out of it...what the judge in that area preferred, etc. After his shpeal he told me that he "usually doesn't tell people that but he thought I was a nice guy." I just wanted to say something to the effect of, "If you think I'm such a good guy that you'll tell me how to get out of the ticket, you could have just not given it to me in the first place." But I refrained and just took it haha. $500 later...here we are! Improper equipment. Darn Baja not being properly equipped to drive
.
When I got pulled the guy gave me the ticket and then started telling me what I needed to do to get out of it...what the judge in that area preferred, etc. After his shpeal he told me that he "usually doesn't tell people that but he thought I was a nice guy." I just wanted to say something to the effect of, "If you think I'm such a good guy that you'll tell me how to get out of the ticket, you could have just not given it to me in the first place." But I refrained and just took it haha. $500 later...here we are! Improper equipment. Darn Baja not being properly equipped to drive
.
02-23-2013, 09:38 AM
#10
I got away with flat out ripping one up and down...
This cop followed me for over 5 miles, pulled past me then slowed down, get behind me again, then finally pulled me over...i had absolutely no reason why. It was 2am and there was nobody else on the road, so i was an easy target to begin with
Turns out my registration was mistyped by the DMV, so my mustang was registered as an SUV...i can understand the cop thinking i was either in a stolen car or running transferred plates, but what i grilled him on was why he didn't just pull me over sooner, why the hesitation? You understand that all you were doing was causing me stress and making me nervous for 5+ miles? How does that make me a safe and concious driver when you are causing me stress? I understand you are doing your job, but my problem is your lack of judgement. If there was something wrong when you first ran my plates, the problem wasn't going away 5 miles later, pull me over!
The officers only response after taking every bit of the grilling..."I was waiting for you to run..."
Honestly officer, if i knew i was in a stolen car, why would i have waited 5 miles to start running or for you to finally pull me over???
I've never heard a LEO as apologetic as him, thankfully my registration was due in 3 days so all he said was "Make sure you fix it, please!"
This cop followed me for over 5 miles, pulled past me then slowed down, get behind me again, then finally pulled me over...i had absolutely no reason why. It was 2am and there was nobody else on the road, so i was an easy target to begin with
Turns out my registration was mistyped by the DMV, so my mustang was registered as an SUV...i can understand the cop thinking i was either in a stolen car or running transferred plates, but what i grilled him on was why he didn't just pull me over sooner, why the hesitation? You understand that all you were doing was causing me stress and making me nervous for 5+ miles? How does that make me a safe and concious driver when you are causing me stress? I understand you are doing your job, but my problem is your lack of judgement. If there was something wrong when you first ran my plates, the problem wasn't going away 5 miles later, pull me over!
The officers only response after taking every bit of the grilling..."I was waiting for you to run..."
Honestly officer, if i knew i was in a stolen car, why would i have waited 5 miles to start running or for you to finally pull me over???
I've never heard a LEO as apologetic as him, thankfully my registration was due in 3 days so all he said was "Make sure you fix it, please!"
Last edited by steel pony; 02-23-2013 at 09:43 AM.