Off topic - humor
10-06-2006, 04:26 PM
#1
2nd Gear Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 234
Off topic - humor
Bad puns:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"!
6. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman, The kids were nothing to look at either.
8. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
9. A man woke up in a hos- pital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
12. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
14. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
15. Finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"!
6. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman, The kids were nothing to look at either.
8. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
9. A man woke up in a hos- pital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
12. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
14. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
15. Finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.
10-06-2006, 08:30 PM
#5
1st Gear Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location:
Posts: 80
RE: Off topic - humor
I enjoyed the ahmal one...
So a man goes to the doctor and needs help with his studdering problem. He asks the doc "hey doc wwhhwwhat can I do about tthtthis?" Well after the doc takes a thorough examination of the man he explains to him that his P3n1$ is to long and is causing the studder. So the doc recomends that they take three inches off and that should fix the problem. So they go ahead with the surgery and tells the man to come back in two weeks for a follow up. So two weeks go buy and the man comes back and tells the doc, "Doc my studering is gone but my s$x life isnt the same, you think you could give me back the 3 inches?" The doc replies "FFUFFFU@%& YOU!"
So a man goes to the doctor and needs help with his studdering problem. He asks the doc "hey doc wwhhwwhat can I do about tthtthis?" Well after the doc takes a thorough examination of the man he explains to him that his P3n1$ is to long and is causing the studder. So the doc recomends that they take three inches off and that should fix the problem. So they go ahead with the surgery and tells the man to come back in two weeks for a follow up. So two weeks go buy and the man comes back and tells the doc, "Doc my studering is gone but my s$x life isnt the same, you think you could give me back the 3 inches?" The doc replies "FFUFFFU@%& YOU!"
