ORIGINAL: mills281e

Once again, I know some people who know some people.....that put me in touch with a first-class translator for these types of situations. After carefully studying the seller's response to Abbas, my translator got back to me with what he thinks accurately captures the English translation of this person's thoughts. See below in blue (I think it captures what our Ebay friend was trying to say):

"Hello (die American pig),

I`m located with the car in Niles, MI, United States (while I've never seen MI on a map, much less Niles, MI, I did sleep at a Quality Inn last night).
The price i ask for this car is 19.000 USD (yes,livedhere in Niles for quite some time....and what do you know, they write prices here above $999 with decimal points like they do in Europe). In this price is included the shipping costs (you will not need to worry about the shipping cost....as the closest thing that will ever occur that resembles me shipping anything to you, is if a FedEx, etc.... delivery truck accidentally pulls into your driveway to turn around).
This car have clear title and have no damage (sorry, seeing as English is my forth laguage, I often get confused.....aimlessly using past, present and future tense, singular, plural.....you know the stuff they don't teach you in Niles, MI).Was never involed in an accident and the car is now in perfect conditions (I went with plural here for the "conditions", as the car is present in two conditions....."non-existant" and "imaginary").
I`m ebay member from more then 5 years and i will like to be covered in this trade with you and i will like to make this deal through Ebay so we can be protected (really the only thing I'm good at on Ebay is watching real cars for the price that they sellfor [in my home town of Niles, MI].....then I think to myself.....what would I want to pay for that car if I were a real buyer and someone pretended they had that car??).
The deal is very safe because Ebay is the most trustfull service in the world and the deal through Ebay work in this way: (again, I went with the word "trustfull", due to the fact that I....am actually "full" of S^i?)
- You will deposit the money on a trust Ebay account (get a good idea of what $19.000 looks like when you write it down on your bank statement.....as you will need to write it some 400+ times in a futile attempt to get your money back);
- I will send you the car via DHL after Ebay confirm me that you have transfered the money on their account (since DHL is the newest carrier with the least amount of customer service infrastructure, I chose them to lead my potential buyers on a wild goose chase when they call about their late delivery);
- You will receive the car at your adress in maxim 3 days and you will have other 7 days to inspect the car (imagine your last golf lesson, where thepro wanted you to picture an inside to out swing path......this is what I'm going to need you to do when it comes to inspecting the car.....visualize inspecting a real carin your head since that's the only place it really exists);
- If you will like my car and if you want to keep the car you will tell to Ebay to send me the money (go ahead, keep the aforementioned visualization in your head as long as you want.....I have your money);
- If something will be wrong at my car and if you will don`t accept to keep the car you will tell Ebay to return all your money back and you will send the car back.I will pay when the car arrive to me for the shipping back.You will pay nothing (again, I apologize for my English; sometimes I just throw prepositions [such as.....at, on, around, beside, over]in sentences as filler.....I know nothing will be "wrong at my car"....but isn't it good, clean fun to figure out what I'm saying??)!
All i will need now, if you like to trade with me, is you complete name and adress so i can register our transaction at Ebay and Ebay will contact you with all the instructions regarding the deal (I would also like to introduce the concept of "trading" your $19.000 for my imaginary car; you see....here in Niles, MI we still barter for a lot of stuff, including limited production mustangs)!
Best regards and have a nice day (Look forward to hearing from you soon.....I'vegot to go for now or I'll be late for my evening class entitled...."The Dirty American")!"